Laptops in class

Don’t you love when a professor says “you can use your laptops in class for notes” on the first day of class? Of course you do, you’re not an idiot.

golly professor, thanks so much

Laptops are great for taking notes.  Seriously, in our technology driven age you’re probably a faster typer than writer.  Furthermore, it’s environmentally friendly to use your laptop for notes.. no need to waste notebook paper.  I mean quicker, easier, and greener! Is there anything better?!?

Okay seriously, we all know that’s not why we love using our laptops in class.  If we were really interested in learning we’d write our notes on paper, it’s fucking muscle memory, you can’t fight the learning.

Using a laptop in class is the perfect distraction.  Your professor thinks you’re taking notes but in actuality, you are just chatting up your friend on facebook.  Or you’re checking out the pics from the party you went too last weekend.  A class with laptops is the perfect time to get your online Christmas shopping done. Sometimes you really need those new nikes the minute they’re released.   Maybe you’re just so fucking bored you’re playing solitaire.  Whatever, it all beats listening to lecture.

this is what your class looks like

I mean, if your in class right now look around.  How many laptop users are actually taking notes.  If I had to guess it’s probably zero. Okay, tops 3 people if your in a class with 100 students.  Everyone using a laptop has at least four different programs running, one of which MIGHT be Word for taking notes.  Let’s face it, laptops allow you to get away with not focusing while looking like you are.  They’re better than your cell phone.

So, let’s thank the great college God’s for allowing us to use laptops in class.  We really didn’t give a shit about the professor’s lecture on Alfarabi’s philosophy on political regime’s during the middle ages.  The new pictures posted on facebook were much more important.

THERE IS ONE RULE TO USING LAPTOPS IN CLASS! You can literally do anything you want when using your laptop in lecture, just DO NOT watch porn.  Seriously, it’s been done before in one of my classes and it really just weirds people out.  Not saying porn’s disgusting, but porn is personal, and not for everyone in class.  Watching it in class is wrong. GROSS!

 

The Three Day Weekend

I guess every weekend is technically a 3 day weekend if you include Thursdays.. but this post is referring to having monday off.  Saturday, Sunday, Monday no classes.

the fuck is this? at least it loves 3 day weekends

This is interesting because a real tough shit would party Thursday night, Friday night, Saturday night, and Sunday night.. with a Darty (Daytime-party) thrown in at least one of the days.  Not everyone can do that so the 3 day weekend comes with some planning.

Maybe you’ll skip thirsty thursday and go hard on Sunday night.  Maybe Friday will be your night off.  Maybe you smoke reef one of the nights without drinking so you can call that the chill night.

Look at your schedule and work it out with your friends. 3 day weekends don’t happen often enough to not go HAM.   How nice is it to go to bed Sunday night hammered and not care because there’s no class tomorrow? Probably one of the top ten feelings.

The other option on the 3 day weekend is taking a trip somewhere that’s not your college campus.  You can visit your friend at their school (where it sucks for them because they don’t have the monday off).  Or you can go home and finally use a clean shower.  3 day weekends give you all the time in the world to travel that the regular 2 day weekend never could.

So lets raise our red solo cup to Columbus, MLK, the laborers and all the other reasons we get out of class on a Monday.  Thank you so much for the ability to not give a shit about homework on a Sunday night.

After Thirsty Thursday Fridays

Sorry, to hungover to write a real post.

I threw up right after my teacher’s 9 AM lecture

Got to nap all day to get ready to go out tonight.

TGIF.

Thursdays

It’s finally here.. cheers to the freaken’ weekend! I’ll drink to that.  As every college student know’s Thursday is the official start of the weekend, despite the
fact that there are classes on Fridays.  So what if you throw up during your 9 AM on Friday, you’re not the only one.

cheers to thirsty thursday

How did Thirsty Thursday start? Well, I honestly don’t know but I can guess.  Probably some really ambitious college students grew tired of waiting for the weekend to be drunk.  So, they put their brains together and decided Thursday could be a weekend if they made it one.  Then, everyone realized how wise this was and started following along.  Soon after, frat houses and bars started to promote drinking on Thursdays, realizing they could profit from the extra day of the weekend.  Finally, it became so accepted that if you decided to stay in on Thursday because you had a test on Friday you were the weird one.

Now here we are, getting ready to get wasted on a Thursday.  Ideally, you don’t want to have class on Friday’s at all, and if you do you want them late in the day.. like 2 so you can sleep till 12.  But if you’re like me, you have a 9 AM (really poor scheduling).  It’s okay to show up still drunk or very hungover to class on Fridays.  Hah, honestly you’re expected to show up drunk or hungover to an early class.

And if you’re staying in on Thursday, don’t get mad if there’s noise outside your room at 3 in the morning… you were the one who chose to go to bed early on a weekend.

totally ready to drink

So, go get your red cups.  Take that shot.  Hit up that bar. Go dance at the club. Forget about that test you have tomorrow and all the homework you haven’t done.  Classes shouldn’t get in the way of your weekend.  It’s your time to get fucked up.. it’s Thirsty Thursday.

Netflix

Netflix immediately comes to mind as the perfect follow up to the procrastination post.   Just today I watched an episode of Parks and Rec season 3 on netflix to avoid writing

oh yeah about to stream some movies

my paper for a little while longer.  I know recently netflix stock has dropped so for all you trust fund and business school students out there you might have some anger.  Yeah, there business decisions might not be of quality, but there service (especially to college students) is.

The thing about netflix is that only one of your friends needs it for everyone to have it.  I’m not talking about the DVD mail service, I’m talking about the online streaming.  All it takes is one friend to convince their parent of the importance of online streaming, then they tell everyone their password, and boom, everyones instantly streaming DVDs and TV shows straight to their computers.

Just think, once you have netflix you have a crazy number of movies and television shows at your finger tips.  Need to waste 2 hours, sign on and watch some random ass movie you might not have ever heard of before looking at the recently added section.

But the best part of netflix is the television shows.  Let’s be honest, most of us didn’t watch Arrested Development when it was on TV.. that’s why they cancelled it.  Then netflix streams all 3 seasons.  Everyone watches it and realizes how

get netflix and watch arrested development if you haven't already

fucking hilarious it is, and we all bitch about it being cancelled. Now Arrested Development is getting a short miniseries and a movie.  God Bless Netflix for letting us watch that TV show in it’s entirety and then getting enough people to fight for it to be brought back.

Netflix is a godsend for college students.  Watch every episode of 24 or Mad Men when you don’t feel like doing work.  See that classic movie your film major friend insists changed cinema forever.   Outshine that asshole who thinks he knows a shit ton about action films,  you’ve seen every Die Hard like 30 times on netflix.  Get drunk and watch some cheesy horror film with your friends when it’s to cold to go out.  Netflix gives you the ability to do all this.

So here’s to netflix.  The perfect way to procrastinate.  The best way to watch televsion.  The simplest way to stream movies.  Find one friend with a netflix account and all the possibilities open up.  Cheap and easy, just the way college student’s like it.

The Art of Procrastination

College student’s procrastinate as much as Lil Wayne smokes weed.. which is basically all the time.

he's probably procrastinating something by smoking weed

I’m literally procrastinating doing a ten page paper on philosophy right now by writing this post. You’re probably procrastinating by reading this post.  The best part is that we know this is going to come back and bite us in the ass.  But fuck it, I have to write posts so at least I can file this under “productive procrastination.” Well, that’s what I’m telling myself.  You reading on the other hand, should finish reading and then get back to work.. haha probably not.

The best procrastination usually comes when there’s something really important you have to do.  Procrastinating begins about a week before the actual due date.  The first 5 days of that week you’ll spend doing the other work that you’ve already procrastinated, watching tv, and getting drunk.  Finally, there’s two days till the due date.  This is where the true beauty of procrastination begins.

First you fill up your time by doing “productive things.” These are things you should do, but are probably not more important than your actual work, like going to the gym, sending emails, updating your resume, etc.   Of course the most productive thing to do would actually be writing that paper, but fuck it, you really should call your mom.  Finally after rearranging your desk for the third time you’re ready to begin working.  Don’t forget there’s still 2 days till the due date, so instead of actually doing the work you’ll probably re-read the assignment, form some sort of lame plan of attack, maybe write an introduction sentence, and then end up on facebook.  But keep telling yourself it’s okay.  You still have one more day.

Now it’s the last day you have before the big assignment is due.  You literally freed up your schedule in preparation for doing your work.  You’ve even gone to the library.  You’re in it to win it, you’re going to finish the assignment and have time to watch The Daily Show at 11pm.  Keep Fucking Dreaming.

Instead, you’re going to check emails.  It should be done… you know the president of that club your in was going to email the time of the meeting next week.  And you probably should make sure the professor hasn’t emailed out any changes to the assignment.

this girl is not doing her work

Once that’s taken care of you open up a blank word document and make a header.  But facebook is calling your name.  Go check your notifications, watch some funny video a friend posted on another friends wall, stalk that kid that moved in elementary school, hell even look at his girlfriends photos.  An hour and a half goes by. You’ve got plenty of time till that 9 AM deadline.  It’s only 10 PM.

Maybe you should go get some coffee to help you focus.  And the walk to the dining hall will help clear your head.  You could even text your friend to meet you there.  45 minutes later you’re back with a half a cup of coffee and a new story on how your friend’s pet dog at home likes to lick his own balls.  It’s time to begin working.  Oh no, college humor might have posted something funny.  Instead of working you’ll troll the internet for another two hours, even checking CNN.com just to study up on that new, emerging conflict in the middle east.  Finally, after you’ve IMDB’d that obscure director of that movie you sorta liked just to see what composer he uses most in his movies you are ready to begin working.  It’s only 1 AM when you get started on your assignment.

Unfortunately, it takes you 4 hours to do the work.  You don’t get back to your room until 5 in the morning.  Whatever, you still get to sleep for 3 and a half hours, how much more do you really need?

Procrastination doesn’t pay off but we do it anyway.  It’s not until all other options have been used up that we can finally sit down and write that 12 page research paper on the Han dynasty in China.  Sure, the stress and anxiety procrastinating gives us isn’t healthy.  But it still beats actually doing the work, and I really was interested in that photo album of my friends trip to Germany she posted on facebook.. I love architecture.

College: a definition

she's getting drunk right after class

The free online dictionary I just found on google describes college as “an institution of higher learning.”  Of course any college student knows that this definition is… lacking.

College is the best 4 (give or take a few) years of your life.  Don’t give me this high school is better bullshit, high school is nice but college is fucking incredible.  I can’t speak for the college commuters though, some of my old high school friends tell me that commuting sucks.  But for those of us not commuting, college is amazing.

We know college is more than just an education.  It’s a social experience.  When else in your lifetime are you going to get to party on your parent’s (or financial aid’s, or free for now.. extreme debt later’s) dime.  You literally take 4 – 6 hour long classes amounting to about 15 hours of actual schooling a week.  Maybe you’ve got lab or discussion groups or some other shit that fills up your time.  But other than that its all up to you.  Hah, you don’t even have to go to your classes if you don’t want too. And you know with so much free time you’re going to fucking rock the shit out of college.

Okay, there are some shitty parts too, like doing your own laundry and homework (if you care about classes) that suck.  I mean I’m not saying independence is perfect.  Still, laundry is not stopping any college student from having a kick ass time.

she knows she's eating that grilled cheese

College is the first time in your life you’re actually independent.  You make your own decisions. You make your own friends, it’s not the same kids you spent the last 12 years in your home town with.  You chose what you want to eat.  Fuck it if its the fourth time that day you’ve had grilled cheese.  It’s your choice. It’s 9 PM, time for a nap, wake up at 2 AM do work till 6, sleep till noon.  You decide when you go to bed.  No one gives a shit what you do.  Get that tattoo you couldn’t tell your parents about. Party every fucking night of the week.  Have sex with that RA in your hall.  No matter what you fucking decide it’s awesome cause it was your decision.

Your college experience is up to you.  I know that’s probably the exact line they told you at your freshmen orientation but it’s true.  You make it as epic as you fucking want.

Personally, I go to my classes and do my homework.  Mommy and Daddy would stop paying if they saw me flunking out.  But the education side of college is not stopping me from having the most fucked up (in a good way) four years of my life.  Trust me the grandkids are gonna hear some good stories.

So, how do we define college?  Like I said.. it’s up to you.  But for real its going to be the greatest years of your fucking life.